More Questions than Answers as the Yarn unravels
	Book 1: Web Of Deceit.. Why Do Such Things?.. The More It Changes.. Therapy Police?.. A Different Path? Book 2: Hicktown.. Fruitloop.. Cultic Behaviour.. Book 3: Complexes/Alters.. Not Worth the Candle? Addendum.. Social Meaning.. How it is Achieved.. Hindsight.. Tell Us Why.. X-factor.. Big Wheel Questions & Speculation.. Utopia/Untopia.. Bluff, Double-Bluff.. Measures & Defences Zonk Effects of Abuse: Post-Cult Trauma.. Unsuitable Medication.. Un-therapeutic/Bad Therapy Esoteric Psychology.. More Than Meets the Eye.. Memories Good or Bad.. Lucela's List.. Savile Aftermath

A THREAD RUNS THROUGH

Ritual Abuse, Therapy, Dissociation/DID

More Questions than Answers -
Speculation

Compiled by Lucela

More Questions than Answers
Yup, more ol' Hicktown Speck-yer-layshun
Maturation or Saturation
Don't Sweep it all under the Carpet
To do something to help others

More Questions than Answers

Kelly would write for a while and drop off contact for a while. Sometimes I'd hardly dare say anything for fear of her suddenly dashing to hospital in panic. When things calmed a little I asked what I said to upset her, and got the response 'What makes you think it had anything to do with you?'

I did think it because of how it happened, and when there was an element of her wanting a longterm guarantee from me. Later pauses were as if Kelly was boycotting me, something people do when things are hard, or they are fed up with me, I don't fall in with their ideas, something gets misinterpreted, or they don't want me to know something. Sometimes they are back after trying other avenues, there's a critical event, or partly as here, when people discouraging the contact lose their hold over the person.

There are things I still prefer not to write about Kelly and her situation. The account could have focused differently and made more sense, but this is as close as it gets. Readers may think I miss the point, or emphasis changes as the yarn unravels. It is how it did unravel. I don't want to over-rationalise someone else's life and crises, and have deliberately not looked back over earlier writing here. Sometimes I did get the drift and sometimes did not.

Someone claiming to be close to Kelly asked me to send her writing. I'd had in mind to edit Kelly's writing and cross-reference with this piece where possible, requiring a great deal of work but making for greater interest. Half of it had disappeared from the email account we shared. Something made me suspicious and I wrote Kelly I was unlikely to send her stuff to anyone. I learned she had indeed asked them to contact me for it. I'd had a strange feeling it was Kelly pretending to be the other person, though realise I was wrong.

Sad to say, Kelly returned to her close friendship with my old adversary Marta, with such a strong influence on her life but who seemed to care in her own way. Kelly's friend Phil still cared to the point of near suffocation. Kelly said Phil would never leave her: She would be the one deciding when to end the financial and personal arrangement where Phil kept paying the bills. Trixie, the fruitloop therapist, pursued both Kelly and Phil with a veritable obsession for more fruitloop, an exercise fit to make my own straight hair go round in loops.

I learned that young Daisy was no longer wanted by Trixie who had used her in therapy as a quick fix to control Kelly. Now Trixie threatened to stop the therapy if . . . whatever. Daisy retaliated with behaviour that should have got them all banned forthwith, but no. Kelly lost any bearings that just about remained. Perhaps she sought powerful, bossy people, to give her life a structure or absolve her of responsibility. After sending me details of one such person with a clear mind and mission, I encouraged Kelly to appreciate aspects of their correspondence, but not to look to this person for answers. It seemed as though Kelly wanted me to fend off attention from this new person, plus 3 strong others now in her life. In our early days it was simply Marta and a few amateur hangers-on.

Kelly got in touch with me after a 3-month break, pleading for me to listen even minimally (I wondered if someone put her up to it). I said I had not much time, explaining that we already had several years trying over two long attempts, and she did not get my commitment for a third. (Kelly herself had told someone in no uncertain terms that 'it had not worked.') OK, she now agreed. I had to get firm when emails arrived at the rate of one per minute. Whatever I tried to explain produced protestations: she did not know what I was talking about, she had not done that, had no idea about something, and was asking me how they happened. There'd be a flash of insight, vanishing whence it came or just off anywhere. She flattered, manipulated like nothing I ever saw. Was this how she got a hold on people, whereas it always seemed they had a hold on her? How did she manage it all in ol' Hicktown without anyone banging up against each other? Or did they - were there different factions here, in a way like the Mafia have working territories? Although I write as though Hicktown is small, who ever said it was!

She said (I did not mention it) that people told her she manipulated, and she really wanted to learn how not to do that. She said she would not bring events on herself for attention-seeking because it was too hard, and she was not making them up. Mostly she was unaware of things that clearly did happen. I told Kelly that people are not responsible for things that other people force them to do, and then get them to forget. I said people within her system and outside of it were keeping things from her or not being honest.

We agreed that it was best if people tried to be honest with themselves about their reasons. My view was that Kelly lost a lot of awareness of Self, and also the World outside, when subjected to loud noise playing from inside or outside her home, in punishment or as a method of control, or both. The jury is out whether that torment was imposed due to her absence from therapy. Deliberate or not, direct consequence or not, attending that therapy surely had the effect of control. I'd go so far as to say someone smart/nasty picked out people with special talents or weakness, with the purpose of making those more extreme. Not what I call good therapy, do you? More like some terrible experiment or sick joke that I would rather not be writing about.

Kelly could/should have been helped to become the independent young mother that she used to be, one who helped those less fortunate or able, and at some risk to herself. That was a reason I respected her and tried to help, apart from my abhorrence of abuse of any kind, and of bad or inept therapy. Kelly and parts of her system claimed there were other local women in a similar situation to hers, being conditioned to feel worthless or helpless, and forced to comply with needs of a larger or more powerful group mediated by certain therapists.

When things got too much for some of the women, they committed suicide in isolated places. Kelly and I wanted to help women like this before that happened - in Hicktown - or anywhere with a similar problem. Some places were very handy for cult gatherings and high drama, as the moon rose over a clearing in the well stocked Woods.

Yup, more ol' Hicktown Speck-yer-layshun

The picture we get through Western films is of some town or other, reached by dusty highroad or plain, over the hills or along a valley, policed by a sheriff or guys with guns. There's guys who run the gambling, and dames who run the whorehouse. All good clean, albeit lethal fun. Hard drinkin', hard playin', hard womanisin'. What if it is not so far off the mark for this Hicktown?

There is stuff I was made aware of that I cannot write specifically, but the Hicktown set-up accommodated those who had and who took, from those who had not; who brutalised those who could not fight or do anything back. A few dames ran with the men, arranging for people like Kelly to be virtual whores with little awareness - and hence no rights. No good clean fun about that, in fact nothing good at all. If they had been looked after and treated more like hostesses, I would not have the same problem with it.

I would not have the same problem if I did not think that some of the dames were state-sanctioned therapists, with an official brief to help the emotionally or otherwise impoverished. Yes mesdames, you know who you are. That would be like pimping on the NHS. We may say harsh things about our NHS and all that, but we don't even approach this. Unless of course you know different ... ... ... and no conspiracy theorists please.

Maturation or Saturation

At one point I thought I was too strong in my attempts to get some things across to Kelly. I did not know how much time we had for this, so I pushed things a bit. But Kelly considered and answered my points one by one. I commented that she had matured, but she felt it was more that she'd given up on things. Next time she wrote she claimed she did not understand at all, and round it went. I was not willing to keep on like this, and stopped replying that day rather than get exasperated with her. Here is why I am glad about that:

Next came an email from a little-known alter, explaining some problems there. No-one, and I mean no-one, can be expected to cope with what Kelly was facing, on top of what I already knew. No-one can sit in judgement on someone else for they cannot know another's real circumstance plus their internal reality. What might knock me for six could be funny to you, or register no more than flicking a fly or taking a tumble. There is a saying that the last straw breaks the camel's back. What if someone dumps a truck-load of manure on the poor beast?

People told me that Kelly had ultimate protection. Let's hope so, and that the attempts of some people to latch onto that - effectively destroying her in the process - did not work, unless that was her chosen destiny.

Kelly had told me about her beliefs on whether people had souls, and how far anyone should act within the context of someone else's destiny. I was not sure how far she took those beliefs, and now seemed a good time to ask. She tried to explain then left it, returning once more before disappearing off-screen to face yet one more challenge.

No-one can answer some questions for you in your life, nor should they try to deter you from what you feel is appropriate.

Don't Sweep it all under the Carpet

While I am no advocate of talking things though ad nauseam, neither do I think it a good idea to ignore things that need addressing. If these pages don't apply to your life, all well and good.

Perhaps one day you will hear things about someone else, and be more willing to wonder and less willing to judge.

I do not know. What I do think is that these issues are important. I also think it important to keep an eye on the ball to ensure that people who did not have things happen in this way, are not unnecessarily encouraged to think or behave as though they did, because that is yet another kind of hell on earth, and we have enough of those.

Note from the authors of this site -
We will neither confirm nor deny any speculation or comments regarding the whereabouts of this Hicktown, or possible identities of anyone thought to be involved in activities mentioned in these pages. Any messages on messageboards or other people's websites purporting to be from us, are not. What is Here is What You Get.

To Help Others

If you would like to do something to help others, because of what you have read in these pages, Kelly's wish was that any monies should go to charities or organisations helping children generally, or people who have been abused. Thank you.

CONTINUE to UTOPIA or UNTOPIA - Utopia or Cults?

where this Yarn ends with a brief Summary

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