In the 'old days' people who were abused in childhood, or in any other setting, were limited in what information they had access to, and whether understanding or help was available. More recently it is as though we have all been bombarded with both information and forms of help. Some of those forms of help, however well-intentioned, may in themselves lead to further problems for some individuals.
You are free to make of these pages what you will, and to ignore all or any of them. But I hope you read this page!
Abusive experience can range through cruelty, sexual abuse, lies and deceit, in fact any inhuman act that anyone does to other humans or to animals. A person's intention may not always be to affect others so badly. Some of us are more vulnerable than others, and new episodes will affect people differently.
No-one has determined once-and-for-all and for everyone, whether Freud got things right for some, and whether Jung improved things or helped create unusual or unnecessary episodes for others. Or vice versa - take your pick. What suits one person or makes sense to one group, generation or culture, is unlikely to suit all. What does not suit an individual can have devastating consequences for him or her. This page is written after the events outlined in 'the Book' because it may help others facing the aftermath of something inexplicable or unbearable.
Post-Cult Trauma
There are a number of excellent books on how people can get drawn into cults or groups, or how a group can change over time to become more pervasive. Here are short extracts from Deadly Cults: The Crimes of True Believers by Robert L Snow, Praeger Publishers, 2003.
from Chapter 2 - The Danger of Cults
Psychologists and psychiatrists often find that, like the children, adult members of cults suffer not only physical and sexual abuse but also a number of psychological problems after spending time in a cult. These adult members often no longer have any friends other than cult members, and many of the thought-altering indoctrination techniques they underwent can negatively affect their ability to function in society after leaving the cult. Their time in the cult can lead to a condition known as post-cult trauma syndrome. Its symptoms include spontaneous crying, depression, feelings of isolation, panic attacks, disassociation, difficulty concentrating, and low self-esteem.
The chapter goes on to cite quite high percentages of people reporting specific difficulties they experience in managing their life and emotions.
from Chapter 7 - New Age Cults
The point to this chapter is not to debate the worth of the New Age movement or the validity of its concepts. The point is to show how cult leaders ... can use some of its concepts, twist them to fit a belief system that prospective members will accept, and then become the belief system's guru, consequently gaining total control over members ...
Cult leaders can reshape any spiritual belief system to make it fit their particular needs and then use the new belief system to attract and hold cult members. Although some belief systems expounded by cults may seem totally outlandish to most people, cult leaders can make the outlandish seem very believable and acceptable.
from Chapter 12 - The Appeal of Cults
Often when a person is at an emotional low, the appearance of a cult recruiter seems almost as if fate has destined the person to belong to the group ... Many times when a person has had emotional and business setbacks they seem no longer to have an identity; they seem to have no direction or purpose in life. A cult will promise to remedy that. As an article in the Detroit News States, Cults appeal to those who have no identity: 'I used to be no one, but now I'm part of a group. I didn't have any direction, but now I know the real truth!'
'There's nothing freaky at first,' said a woman who became involved in what she thought was simply an ordinary religious group. 'You can't know what's in store for you.'
from Chapter 15 - Combating Cults
Children can be very vulnerable to cult recruiters. To decrease a child's chances of cult recruitment, parents should teach their children not to be too trusting. This is valuable not just for protection from cults but also from many other types of crime such as drugs and sexual abuse. Children must also learn to ask questions of people and insist on answers, not evasive responses.
No matter how a person leaves a cult - by walking away, by being thrown out, or through a family intervention, former cult members often can't just simply return to society after cult life and begin functioning normally again. Keep in mind that even after successful exit counselling, the former cult member still has a lot of issues to deal with.
The safety of a person who has walked away from a cult can depend on a number of factors:
1. How important was the person to the cult?
2. Does the person possess information that could be damaging to the cult?
3. Does the cult have a history of violent behaviour?
See also Stopping a Stalker by Robert L. Snow
Here is a link to a website offering some relevant information:
Post-cult Trauma :
When an individual leaves a cult, they may struggle through a time of strong and sometimes confused emotions. While they may be relieved to be free of the group, a former member may also grieve over the loss of the cult's advantages (e.g., kinship, sense of belonging, higher self-esteem). The emotional instability associated with this period is a part of post-cult trauma syndrome.
Video Gary and Gina go to the Circus Two disabled children dream of going to the circus.
Really all they want is to be accepted by some people who are different.
Robert Whitaker, an investigative journalist, writes about the effects on a large number of people taking medication sanctioned by mental health professionals. It seems that, even by starting on a course of medication, a pattern of imbalance can begin where it becomes harder to manage with or without the drug. Here is a post currently appearing on Facebook:
"The literature is remarkably consistent in the story it tells. Although psychiatric medications may be effective over the short term, they increase the likelihood that a person will become chronically ill over the long term. I was startled to see this picture emerge over and over again as I traced the long-term outcomes literature for schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, and bipolar illness. In addition, the scientific literature shows that many patients treated for a milder problem will worsen in response to a drug-- say have a manic episode after taking an antidepressant -- and that can lead to a new and more severe diagnosis like bipolar disorder. That is a well-documented iatrogenic [physician caused illness] pathway that is helping to fuel the increase in the disability numbers. Now there may be various cultural factors contributing to the increase in the number of disabled mentally ill in our society. But the outcomes literature -- and this really is a tragic story -- clearly shows that our drug-based paradigm of care is a primary cause."~Robt Whitaker
Psychotropic Drugs and Children Robert Whitaker, author of Anatomy of an Epidemic, discusses the disturbing effects of psychotropic drugs prescribed for children. Such medications, used for ADHD, depression, and anxiety, for example, have become commonplace over the past 30 years. This practice profoundly alters the lives of the children, and so now we, as a society, urgently need to address this question: do the medications help the children thrive and grow up into healthy adults? Or does this practice do more harm than good over the long term. Robert Whitaker emphasizes two things: first, the need for an objective, evidence-based approach to evaluating these drugs; and second, the need for better public understanding of how these medications work.
Click here to listen.
Jimmy Savile Aftermath
People in the UK have now heard too much about the Jimmy Savile saga - one they generally knew nothing about unless unfortunate enough to have been directly afflicted. It seemed that a good airing would be helpful for people who had been abused, but it has tended to bring their own pain to the forefront of survivors' minds. As for helping others to understand some of it, let's hope so.
I came across a book by Nick Bryant on the Franklin situation in the US where people who should have known and done better, did everything they could to discredit child and teenage victims of widespread abuse, whether they spoke out as youngsters - if they dared - or when much older. Had they not already paid an exorbitant price for other people's problems and proclivities!
Kelly and I do not claim her experiences are the same as these. Thinking over how her mind was systematically screwed till she could not grasp anything, her references to 'power people' in big houses, parties as a teenager with older men, wanting to protect her children from similar fate, the late-night clientele battering her door (some likely the same as the cops driving past to scare her), the cover-up and distortion when she tried to expose it, Yup, to use her word, Yup indeed.
I do not know why people in power seek to gain or retain it by harming others who have none. Or why other factions collude so viciously to cover it up. Coming out of the Franklin and Savile situations and let's not forget Dutroux, are threats made to victims or anyone wanting to spill the rotten beans, and the 'friends' or officials in high places, particularly the law enforcement meant to do just that and not act as cover-up or be a further danger.
Maybe it needs looking at just as a totally reprehensible dynamic, something we can all do something about through basic recognition.
Kelly prepared a fantastic summary of her woes, not for publication at this time. She would write something profound in the manner of past exchanges between us, but then fall in shards. She summarised her life and abusers, one small aspect of which was more than most people encounter in a lifetime, but she became unable to view the wider picture. It was a picture that her trusted therapist, put up to by others and covered over by more others, painted around the block. It was like some grand cult which encompassed most of the town, and it was not just happening to Kelly struggling to bring up her children in poverty, but to others in a similar situation, my guess is because 'they' got away with it.
Marta, the previous therapist, had bragged about my involvement with Kelly, saying I was too far away to change anything and did not have the resources. However she took down photos of herself on the Internet as though not wholly convinced. The present therapist Trixie knew little about me while spending hours per week with Kelly. Part of Kelly could see through Trixie better than you or I. Another part put Trixie on a pedestal, revering her looks, her life, her qualifications, while Kelly had even better qualifications. Parts of the system asked me why Trixie wore diamonds and crystals that flashed in the light leaving them dazed.
Perhaps I did not pay enough heed at the right time to the parts that wanted to discuss how the verbal and other cues worked, but something was bugging me over the cult commitment. Kelly was latterly kept unaware or confused over it, but she had lost her crusading spirit. It was as if understandably she'd given up trying, whilst occasionally pulling a viable rabbit out of the hat to surprise us all in spades. We would make contact, followed by yards of emails on daily trivia and family matters that I could not get involved in.
Suspicious from the start over the Trixie scenario and now much more so, I felt the years of late nights spent on Kelly, however deserving and useful, were not producing the goods. She was going backwards via a complex and evil experimental design, which surpassed anything I could counteract by working directly with her, although ultimately that is where change would come.
Unless the surrounding situation changes, or she and others can be made aware of appropriate information which also changes other people's perceptions, things won't get better fast. Some people suggest pooling information which I see as a patchwork quilt of experiences. That is an excellent idea but, once personal information is bandied about on the Internet, others handle it like their own. They think something happened to someone, or it didn't happen so the person must be lying or crazy. If they discredit one small part, others may assume that none of it happened. And then there are 'professional' detractors - see below.
Anyone who has done group dynamics or attended an event and exchanged memories, knows that accounts often don't tally by a long shot. Not only that, groups and committees have a tendency to polarise or to split into factions. We need a way of solving some of these issues, creating our own experimental design, in order to move forwards.
Kelly had broken up with Phil who paid for the so-called therapy, yet now seemed back in touch and paying. That would fit a cult-town Hicktown scenario. Someone had a hold over Phil and Trixie as the closest people to Kelly, and I had some idea what those controls and deals were. I originally uploaded this under a title of Deals Within Wheels to reflect Marta's machinations. 'Marta is the cult', as Kelly used to say.
I realise Kelly and I will not be cleaning up that corner of Hicktown in the way we perhaps had hoped, but we can make others aware in case they have concerns over their own situation, believing that no-one can ever believe them. Even if no-one else believes you, whether they choose that or they simply cannot, you can believe in yourself.
Although many young or vulnerable people can be abused in these scenarios, few can explain all of what happened and how it affected them. Some get demolished to rubble or demoralised by specific factions of society, or by society's general inability to take issues on board.
The Jimmy Savile saga should mean that not all the previous detractors can continue to smother all of it. For the moment they are not parading the chestnut of 'no evidence' but my guess is they will. They are so predictable. Not only do we need to ensure that some people are viewed as 'professional' detractors, but also clarify that people who want to talk about personal issues should indeed be talking to someone reliable and not to some front person who may actually be 'in-the-know' -
Or they surely would be wiser to keep their own counsel
Politicians are not the only ones capable of double-speak: Therapists can be adept too, and it can be a useful skill. But what better way to control a section of society that acts as a much needed 'resource', than to persuade them they are mentally sick or worthless, and by inference so are their offspring, while providing centres to 'enrich' their lives. Whose lives, I ask looking long and hard, whose?
Therapy can be a life-saver for people though very demanding. People are often helped through by having a good friend or a network of people to stand by them through thick and thin, or by reading reliable information including experiences of others.
My other question relates to a likely outcome of propaganda 'normalising' behaviours that should not be normalised. We get bombarded nightly by television's blood and trauma, accompanied by those flashing lights they warn of whilst flashing anyway. The same happens on daytime News bulletins when children can be watching, with horror stories of abuse like the wicked witch in fairy tales that children of old knew were only make-believe. Now we know that not all of them are, which is only progress if we actually do something about it!
See the article by Matt Barber below, relating to work by Dr Judith Reisman on so-called research undertaken by Alfred Kinsey. 'She found that many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to "groom" them for sex'. www.wnd.com/2012/10/obamas-hhs-grooming-children-for-sex/
There will always be controversiesover who is right or wrong, and what is most important. A large factor is that not every person or situation is the same. Different people have different experiences, perceptions needs. Below are links to some sites about individuals and groups of people, particularly involved in families and justice. They are written by people who are sincere, about people who are also sincere. Follow up on what turns up. YOU decide!
During preparation of this Book, I became interested in the effects of some drugs and psychotherapies on memory and perception, while trying to fathom how much Kelly could have been duped to believe what seemed to be happening around her, and to what extent other women (in particular) might come to believe they were more dissociative than they were, or that they suffered more abuse than they may have done. I will concentrate on Kelly. Rather than deducing she was deluded, I felt she was being made to discredit much that probably was real. You are naturally free to ignore that. Some people do find that certain medication makes it hard for them to sort out what is actually happening, or that happened in the past, from fantasies or dream experiences. In Kelly's situation, she had also had one therapist who was involved in the local cult, and it seemed that her successor was confusing Kelly for her own reasons. This situation is not, I think, common.
Kelly had over the years been prescribed various medications and some seemed helpful. She was then taken off them and put on a heavy dosage of one that causes health concerns as well as having emotional spin-off. The point at issue is that this person, and apparently many others, seem to suffer significantly from effects of medication prescribed for mental health or simply emotions, so that their problems become exacerbated in the longer term. I am not, like some people, decrying all medication, but feel we need to know more. The same applies to psychotherapeutic theories, and possible detrimental outcomes for some people.
Un-therapeutic/ Bad Therapy
I heard from many people about the effects of abuse on their lives. Not only that, I heard about what sounded like abusive psychotherapy, or something producing that general effect. Either the therapy or the practitioner were not suited to the individual, or it just went wrong. Although others may not agree with this, I started to feel that the effects of the two types of abusive experience were not dissimilar, like a feeling of being mentally taken-apart. One could perhaps say 'A trauma is a trauma is a trauma' with similarities that afflict some war veterans. What if some therapies deliberately or inavertently do the same, i.e. take people apart or shatter them?
People can certainly feel taken-apart by a bad personal relationship, or simply by being subjected to the culture of a work-place environment. Personal relationships and work-places too, often provide great solace and support to people. Or they can do the opposite, primarily through forms of bullying or more subtle undermining. I've also heard it referrred to as 'putting down the poison'. Feeling one has revealed too much private information, or is under pressure of some kind, can have a detrimental effect not unlike shock or sunburn.
After-effects of any bad experience can take a great deal of time for recovery. They include:
misguided attempts to help with medication
some forms of psychotherapy or a type of therapist
boundaries becoming eroded or overwhelmed -
such as by a strong person, a group or a cult, or a belief system
overt or covert bullying or undermining
inconsistency - when the rules of the game, or even the game - keep changing
The important thing to bear in mind is that we can all be vulnerable in our own ways. Kelly could have been more likely than some people to over-react, or not to understand if some things were serious or minor. That does not mean she was not also coping with a lot. She asked me why her thinking was backwards, and for any reasons for her not improving despite all the 'help'.
The more I looked into major aspects of Kelly's life, the more I wondered how she came through. Her functioning diminished through her medication, or as she became unable to face new or past events. On top, other people induced her to disbelieve in herself. 'Tell me honestly what happened' she asked me, and my attempts to give gentle minimal background ended in panic at her end, though I made no mention of the cult we discussed in the past. She was discouraged from making mental connections, or mixing with people, or resuming her studies, perhaps so the powers-that-be could cover their tracks. Sometimes she did see or remember or try something, and it was gone just as quickly. Unless she could be kept away from subversive elements, I did not see that she had much chance. Even if by some miracle that could happen, recovery would take a long time.
If you are trying to cope with after-effects of a trauma or significant experience in your own life, or you are helping someone else, try to give yourself, or them, time to acclimatise to the new circumstances in which all of the things are not happening at-once or even consecutively. Take one thing at a time, one day at a time. Try not to knock yourself or them down, for not being able to remember, or to realise, or to do something, any better or any faster than you or they are able to.
I have hopes that, the more honest people are with themselves, the more it will be possible to avoid unnecessary suffering of the types outlined here. However, I end with a word of caution about rushing towards 'remedies' or theories as a quick-fix answer. It would be better to take things slowly with a few people whom you know and trust, and to follow up any leads carefully, rather than to jump into another scenario or quagmire.
To Regress, or Definitely Not To!
People should be free to believe or practice what they feel is right for them. Some people are happy in their chosen group or ways, and do not want to be 'rescued'. Problems can arise if one's beliefs or actions encroach on other people. If a therapist has a belief system and it affects what happens in therapy, it is a specific type of concern. Check out 'Crazy Therapies: What are they? Do they work?' by Margaret Thaler Singer and Janja Lalich. Some of the approaches may seem ok or fine for you. The chapter 'Therapeutic Seductions' details sexual relationships between a therapist and client. The client would be told it is a special relationship, i.e. it does not happen to many people. Think again, it does, and none of it would be fine.
The following summary is from Wikipedia:
'The book discusses a list of severe warning signs that psychotherapy patients should avoid, regardless of the psychotherapist's credentials or reputation. The book discusses these in detail and quantifies them into ten classic behaviour patterns. These include potential sexual abuse; asking the patient to perform menial chores; discussing the psychotherapist's problems in detail; asking the patient to cut off relations with friends and family; diagnosing the patient's condition before thoroughly discussing the issue; claiming the patient must be hypnotized in order to sort through past memories; treating patients as if they all have the same psychological root cause of illness; claiming to have a magical miracle technique; utilizing a checklist to find out if the patient suffers from an illness that the psychotherapist specializes in; and finally, demanding that the patient accept certain religious, metaphysical or pseudoscientific beliefs in order to continue psychotherapy.'
In 'Bounded Choice: True believers and charismatic cults' Janja Lalich describes how, as a cult leader takes over major decisions, it can leave members in a child-like regressive state without critical faculties. Readers of 'A Singular Yarn' may think therapist Trixie caused regression and dependence in Kelly and young alter Daisy. I grew concerned as Kelly rushed there in panic, or wanting to show Trixie things. Trixie's strong boundaries were a myth. Neither did she have goodwill or integrity - both needed for clients to improve.
A trend in counselling and psychotherapy from my training days was to experiment with different ways of seeing or experiencing, but when it came to Psychodrama I raised objections and was told it was a must. 'I'll be there' I said 'but will not do that'. I did a little, getting screamed at by someone with a beef at his partner, making the walls shake. Another trainee had declined to take his venom, so I got stuck, instructed to stay in role the more he yelled. On top, other people announce what 'you' think or feel about what the yeller yells. Ummm, not really thanks. Don't get drawn into what does not feel right for you, because you do not have to comply. Some people really seem to benefit from role-plays, bashing cushions, sitting in different chairs to express different viewpoints. Some hate it and tell horror stories about the effects.
Problems can arise with guided imagery, where people slip into a hypnotic-type state where boundaries blur. Some hypnotherapists encourage a regressive state where critical thinking or expression are nigh impossible. As part of later training I was required to undergo hypnotherapy. Sent back to age 5 'with tiny hands and tiny feet', I was pretty malleable though not as much as the trainer thought. She steered me away from good memories, and used strategies to knock out conscious thinking. She was competent and kindly, though steeped in a belief of unrecognised abuse in everyone. I went to sessions clutching a leather bag round my waist, and did not listen to her tapes outside. Rather, I read books she thought were ace, because I thought she was winging it. One day, primed on what she might try, I said 'I don't do that' and left. She was inserting extra bits into a training and therapeutic procedure that was presented as a straight clean deal. It helped me to see how people can be caught up or deliberately manipulated, and how one thing can so easily lead to another.
When Sarah, a pretty girl in her twenties, approached me saying 'Can you advise me on controlling my mind?' I asked if she meant controlling her own mind or someone else controlling her. 'Someone else' she replied. A colleague nearby told her 'That person has built a bridge across to you. You need to stop that.' Sarah later revealed that a man close to her had made a blood pact within satanism. He moved things around in her home, and did other things to confuse her and make her seem incompetent. When she realised he could see into one of her rooms she blocked the window. Think what you will, but she felt it made a big difference. Later she found beta-blockers helped with her being so sensitive. I knew more about her ex-friend, his cohorts and the occult scene around, which do not make for light reading, and I didn't think Sarah imagined it all. People can affect each other psychically, wittingly or unwittingly, and measures can be taken to protect oneself, see links below. You should be free to think what you want, and to follow your own path.
From 'Crazy Therapies':
Think twice before going backwards
Experts have their own opinions and ways. Choose what suits you, or try to find out for yourself what may. Be prepared to call a halt to something without feeling you gave up or failed. If there is one thing to take from this piece, it is this:
It isn't necessarily you at fault for getting drawn in, or for not being able to do something.
Don't think about being at fault. Sometimes things happen or are just there. We all make mistakes.
The best anyone can do at the time is literally that - the best that is humanly possible - for them.
Well done. You just passed!
Dedicated to my Mentors
Quotation from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 'The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax'
'I refuse to be rewarded for fostering a tragedy'
DISCLAIMER
All text and links are provided on this Website on the understanding that people may make use of any of it, or disregard it entirely. Caveat lector.
BOOK THREE More Than Dreamt of...
Dissociated Complexes or Alter Personalities
Psychic Powers Not Worth the Candle; The Web
Therapy for the Children; Reasons for This Scenario
PART III
Time Will Tell;
More Weirdness
Deals Within Wheels
Musings And Meditations
Out Of The Woods?
